


perpetual motion machine

by hyakinthos



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gen, does this count as a character study?, it's super short whatever it is i'm sorry, set post-yorkshin arc, slight leopika like one line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 09:55:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3891979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyakinthos/pseuds/hyakinthos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurapika is a smart man; he knows that his vengeance cannot sustain him and he knows how to tell himself otherwise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	perpetual motion machine

Kurapika is sick and Kurapika is angry and for days Kurapika hasn’t been anywhere that wouldn’t look horrible under a black light. He’s not filling out his suit anymore and he hasn’t even pulled his tabard out of his worn-out suitcase in weeks. Whenever he sees it, something poignant comes to him, but he doesn’t have time to care about it. He can’t spare a minute to think about his mission, he’s on a mission.

Kurapika hates having to slow down these days. He hates showering, he hates sitting down to eat, he hates lying down to sleep. He hates that he’s not a perpetual motion machine, that he can’t always be on the move. Moving is good, moving means meeting goals, getting more blood under his nails. Moving means no questions.

If he sits still for too long, for more than a minute, he starts to think about how much he smells like formaldehyde and sweat, how he can’t stop shivering, how he is coming at himself with siege engines and how this is not what they would have wanted. He can’t have that. He can’t think about it. This is all that he is, all that he has been for the last six years of his life and he cannot stop because what comes next?

He wants to go home. He wants to go home. There is no home. His home is a graveyard now (and not, as he keeps telling himself, the one who rambles into his answering machine at odd hours), and nothing that he will ever do is going to fix that.

It’s a scary thought, that this is all for nothing. That he’s killing himself and kicking himself just to make a nice gesture towards people too dead to appreciate it. He can seethe and pity himself and rattle chains all he wants but he can’t fix that uneasiness and he can’t fix anything real.

He wipes the ideas away like unwashed hair from his eyes. Of course he is fixing something. He is putting them to rest, putting things to right. What could be more impactful, what cause more worthy?

He gets up. He keeps moving. He sentences himself again, don’t sleep, don’t eat, don’t stop. Not until he’s done and he doesn’t have to deal with it anymore.

And then what?

**Author's Note:**

> I've had the Kurapika feels lately... poor kid.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!! Any feedback is always more than welcome, and if you'd like to tell me about what a piece of HxH trash I am, you may do so on my blog: http://morelikegaaay.tumblr.com


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